New Year’s Resolutions – A New Spin on a Bad Idea

January 8th, 2014 by Peterson

Posted in Uncategorized

Quit smoking, lose weight, join a gym. Just making the list starts to weigh upon your soul. Basically, it’s a list of all the reasons you hate yourself. A new year is a time for celebration, not for remorse and self flagellation.

So here’s what I propose: celebrate yourself and your bad habits, but in a good way. Pump up the quality.

If you like to smoke, then smoke. But don’t smoke some cheap cigarette. Get a Dunhill pipe and some English blend tobacco. Or buy yourself some really good cigars. Then invite a friend over to share them with you. Discuss the events of the day as the smokes curls around your head. Feel yourself relax and grow expansive. Now, that’s better.

Overweight, or just think you are? First, revel in the fact that you are well-fed and well-cushioned. Then, make those calories count. Instead of Taco Bell, scour the internet for a well-reviewed, locally-owned Mexican restaurant that specializes in chili verde.  Go thou forth and consume it. Wash it down with a good Mexican cerveza. Focus on the flavor, not the guilt. Now you’re getting the idea.

Still feel bad because you don’t have six-pack abs, but do have a 40” TV? Okay, try this: give yourself permission to binge. Invite your friends over. Watch every episode of Game of Thrones season one. Don’t forget to have popcorn. When it’s over, get into ridiculous arguments about the arcane details. Think of the money you’re saving on the gym membership.

You’re doing great. Have a wonderful 2014.